Home
Authors
Topics
Professions
Quote Of The Day
Pictures
Authors
Topics
Quote Of The Day
Pictures
Authors:
A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z
Groucho Marx Quotes
American
-
Comedian
October 2, 1890 - August 19, 1977
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.
Groucho Marx
You
Something
Days
Because
Actually
Favourite
Hath
Poem
September
Starts
Tells
Thirty
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
Best
Man
Pet
Dog
Dark
Best Friend
Book
Friend
Inside
Outside
Read
Too
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx
Medical
Hospital
Bed
Taxi
Meter
Parked
Running
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx
Funny
Me
Club
Join
Any
Member
Refuse
Would
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Groucho Marx
Life
You
Secret
Fake
Honesty
Dealing
Fair
Got
Made
The Secret Of
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx
Me
People
Care
Like
Accepts
Belong
Club
don't Care
Members
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
Groucho Marx
Moment
Laughter
Down
Book
Intend
Laid
Picked
Reading
Someday
Until
Up
Your
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx
Today
Happiness
Me
Power
Arrived
Be Happy
Choose
Day
Dead
Events
Going
Happy
Just
Just One
Make
One Day
Shall
Tomorrow
Unhappy
Which
Yesterday
I Can
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
Groucho Marx
Like
Play
Up
Curtain
Then
Adverse
Adverse Conditions
Conditions
Saw
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx
Funny
Someone
Understand
Child
Fetch
Five
Send
Would
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.
Groucho Marx
Good
Go
Book
Library
Educational
Find
Good Book
Minute
Must
Read
Say
Somebody
Television
Turns
Very
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Groucho Marx
Art
Me
You
Water
Does
East
Hand
Know
Like
More
Much
Now
Other
Prune
Stew
Still
Take
Taste
Tell
Than
Them
Well
West
Top 10
Groucho Marx
Quotes
View the list
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Groucho Marx
Evening
Wonderful
Had
Perfectly
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.
Groucho Marx
You
Man
Way
Know
Ask
Crook
Find
He
Him
Honest
Out
Says
Yes
One-Way
Humor is reason gone mad.
Groucho Marx
Humor
Mad
Reason
Gone
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
Groucho Marx
Politics
Marriage
Strange
Make
Does
Bedfellows
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Groucho Marx
Poor
Judge
Anatomy
Whoever
Named
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
Time
Go
Book
Room
Educating
Every
Every Time
Find
Other
Read
Set
Somebody
Television
Turns
Very
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Groucho Marx
You
Mind
Beat
Head
Club
Join
Over
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx
Intelligence
Military
Contradiction
Military Intelligence
Terms
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
Groucho Marx
Me
You
Time
Next
Next Time
Remind
See
Talk
I See
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
Groucho Marx
Good
Weather
Hate
Raining
Leaving
Because
London
Too
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
Groucho Marx
America
Intellectual
Television
Going
Educate
Every
Minutes
Monday
Newspapers
Read
Started
Stuff
30 Minutes
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.
Groucho Marx
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Groucho Marx
You
Like
Others
Principles
Well
Them
Those
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Groucho Marx
Beauty
Father
Looks
He
Got
Her
Plastic
Plastic Surgeon
She
Surgeon
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Groucho Marx
Man
Woman
Only
Old
He
Feels
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Groucho Marx
Smoke
Woman
Always
Pleasure
Occasional
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx
Money
Horse
Like
Dead
Alimony
Buying
Dead Horse
Hay
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Groucho Marx
Man
Wife
Woman
Behind
Successful Man
Every
Her
His
Successful
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx
Dead
He
Watch
Either
Stopped
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
Face
Never
Your
Never Forget
Case
Exception
Forget
Glad
Make
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
Judge
Wedding
Jury
Should
Married
Asked
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Groucho Marx
Women
Should
Heard
Obscene
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Groucho Marx
Funny
Evening
Wonderful
Had
Perfectly
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Groucho Marx
Age
Born
Must
I Was Born
Early
Confess
Early Age
Very
Very Early Age
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Groucho Marx
Me
Look
Never
Horse
Another
Marry
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Groucho Marx
Morning
Never
Elephant
Know
Got
He
How
One Morning
Pajamas
Shot
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Groucho Marx
Me
Communication
Saying
Quote
Room service? Send up a larger room.
Groucho Marx
Service
Room
Up
Send
Larger
Room Service
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Groucho Marx
Eyes
Me
You
Believe
Going
Own
Who
Your
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
Groucho Marx
Relationship
City
Unhappy
Relatives
Kansas
Kansas City
Necessary
Order
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
Groucho Marx
Time
Sex
Remember
First Time
First
Had
Kept
I Remember
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Groucho Marx
Path
Black
Animal
Your
Cat
Crossing
Going
Somewhere
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx
Funny
Women
Who
See
He
Anyone
Lot
Missing
Says
Through
Go, and never darken my towels again.
Groucho Marx
Go
Never
Again
Towels
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx
Mother
Children
Loved
Anything
Been
Given
Had
She
Would
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx
Politics
People
Born
Democrats
Alike
All People
Except
Republicans
Republicans And Democrats
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Groucho Marx
Poverty
Way
Nothing
Up
Extreme
Extreme Poverty
State
Worked
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
Groucho Marx
Doctor
Medical
Feeling
Golf
Course
Golf Course
Immediately
Nearest
Need
Ring
Very
Well
Prev
1
2
3
Next
Related Authors
Steven Wright
Quotes
George Carlin
Quotes
Robin Williams
Quotes
Mitch Hedberg
Quotes
W. C. Fields
Quotes
Rodney Dangerfield
Quotes
Fred Willard
Quotes
Milton Berle
Quotes
29Quotes © 2020
About Us
A site designed to inspire you to grow, achieve success, stay well, and live an abundant life.
Authors
Topics
Professions
Nationalities
Quote of the Day
Pictures
Contact Us