W. C. Fields Quotes

American - Comedian January 29, 1880 - December 25, 1946

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Women Crazy Doubt Only Question All Women Degree Exists No Doubt Women Are

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Food Water Nothing Live Days Forced Once Prohibition

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

Snake Always Small Carry Case Furthermore Whiskey

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

You Answer Call

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

Sex Better Nothing Like Exactly Some Some Things Than Things Worse

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

Fish Remember Live Dead Downstream Float Swim Takes Upstream

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

Best Sleep Insomnia Get Cure Lot

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

Never Always Vote Against Anyone

I drink therefore I am.

I Am Drink Therefore Am

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Hate I Am Equality Free Everyone Am Equally Prejudices

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Smile Humor Day Start Every Every Day Get Off Over

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

People Horse Sense Thing Betting Keeps Which

Top 10
W. C. Fields
Quotes

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

Living Up Cost Gone Another Dollar Quart

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Snake Like See Bottle Also Case Handy Keep Which I See

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

Man Money Rich Nothing Poor Poor Man Rich Man

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

Politics Hell Never Always Against Anybody Vote

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.

Women Look Like Want Elephants Own Women Are

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Funny Food Wine Sometimes Even Add Cook

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

You Bull Them Brilliance

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

Head Pocket Favorable Both

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

Me Woman Drink Decency Her Drove Even Thank

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Snake Always See Keep Also Case Handy Supply Which I See

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

Man Time Face Situation Affairs Bull He Must Tail Take

I like children - fried.

Funny Children Like Fried

I never met a kid I liked.

Never Kid Met Liked

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

Money Wrong Keep Allow Sucker His Morally Morally Wrong

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Last Philadelphia Week Closed

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Lunch Some Out Cork Took Weasel

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

Children Bad Who Animals Anyone Hates

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.

Me You Great Devil Actor Actress Great Actor Husband Lousy Seen Show

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

Water Never Will Drink Afraid Become

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

Water Never Drink Stuff Pipes

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

Me Woman Never Who Courtesy Drink Drove Had Her Thank

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

You Trust Water Stick Crooked Even Straight Turns

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

I Am Father Prison Chair Am Applied Electricity Expert Occupied State

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

Life Funny My Life Live Over Had Saloon

Never give a sucker an even break.

Never Give Break Sucker Even

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

Think Year Once Sunday Philadelphia Spent I Think

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

Man World Getting Dangerous Alive Dangerous Place Get Lucky Out Place

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

Living Here Fields Lies Philadelphia Rather Would

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

Will Behind Far Prosperity

I must have a drink of breakfast.

Breakfast Must Drink

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

Death Drown Cold Whiskey Sting Thy Where

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Children Seen Should Again Ever Heard Neither

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

Life Beautiful Most Beautiful Sleep Drink Except Experience Most

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

May Never Cry Milk Because Been Over Poisoned Spilt

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

Family Women Men Most Bearded Were

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

You Heart Long Will About Last Live Worry Your

Related Authors

Steven Wright
Quotes

Groucho Marx
Quotes

George Carlin
Quotes

Robin Williams
Quotes

Mitch Hedberg
Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield
Quotes

Fred Willard
Quotes

Milton Berle
Quotes

29Quotes © 2020

About Us

A site designed to inspire you to grow, achieve success, stay well, and live an abundant life.

Quote of the Day